oh, technology

Me: 'Ah, yes, now that I have received our new account number and am seeing it for the first time ever, I'll follow these simple steps to set up an online account.'

Website: TELL US ALL OF YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION.

Me: 'Yes, fine, I've gathered all the information, here you go; please make my account now.'

Website: NO. YOU ALREADY HAVE AN ACCOUNT. GO LOG IN.

Me: 'But I don't have an account? I've never been here before!'

Website: IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PASSWORD, YOU CAN RESET IT.

Me: 'Well, okay. I'll just go back to the start and try to log in, and then reset my password.'

Website: NO. YOU CAN'T RESET YOUR PASSWORD. YOUR SECURITY QUESTION HASN'T BEEN SET UP.

Me: 'Because I don't have an account!'

Website: YOU DO.

Me: 'Then let me access it!'

Website: I CAN'T DO THAT, DAVE.