The Marci Rating System

Yesterday a department director (not mine) sent me a message asking how many times a certain thing happened last year. And I was like: ...

Meanwhile, my brain was all:

*how would I know that?

*what is a tactful way to say 'that thing is managed by your team, so shouldn't they be the ones keeping records on it?'

*I might be able to search my way back through emails and give an estimate?

*but all the emails would have come from your team! you could ask them!

*what in the world do you even need that information for?

Finally I gave as careful an answer as I could, and offered up a [measurable, replicable] search filter for documents (my actual job, lol). I layered it with caveats of low accuracy and non-inclusiveness.

The director: That's exactly what I'm looking for, but only do it if it will take less than ten minutes.

[NOTE: It had already taken considerably more than ten minutes, which could not have been more obvious from the time stamps of the messages we were exchanging.]

In conclusion: I sent the data anyway.

My workplace has decided to call all "local" employees back to the office two days a week. (Where "local" is within a certain mileage radius, a radius I am UNFORTUNATELY just barely inside.) It doesn't start until September, so my brain has of course decided THIS is the thing to focus on right now.

At first I was pretty concerned, because the company makes all their decisions based on one thing: PROFIT. And calling employees back to the office does not increase revenue or decrease costs in any obvious way. It seems POSSIBLE that the goal is to make long-time (aka well-paid) employees who've grown accustomed to working from home quit, and then either not replace them at all, or replace them with lower-paid employees who will be more desperate, given the absolute nightmare of the job market right now.

But that's a pretty complex plan for a company that decided to pour resources into the brilliant marketing strategy of 'change the color of the cap on the bottles.' And I think there's a non-zero chance that I've forgotten the not-so-secret third reason the company does things: someone with power acting for the sake of acting.

Because the company got a new CEO late last year, and now THIS year the first quarter wasn't as successful as predicted. (I can't even begin to express what a surprise this should NOT have been to anyone.) But I'm 10,000% sure that the new CEO has been getting enormous pressure from THEIR bosses (parent company and grandparent company) to FIX THINGS. I assume they've been hearing WHAT IS YOUR ACTION PLAN TO TURN THIS AROUND??? fairly constantly.

And I guess I can understand that the new CEO would like an answer other than 'this seems pretty normal actually, probably we shouldn't upend everything that's been working for five years' so what better action plan than to rearrange the deck desk chairs? ESPECIALLY when it can be classified as "aligning" with the policies of the parent company? Action taken, egos soothed all around, new CEO can pat themselves on the back for a job well done.

I took an 'employee engagement' survey yesterday (semi-required by work, in the sense that it's 'strongly encouraged,' and also why not? if I'm willing to write about my work feelings online, I feel like I should be willing to write about them on a survey).

But of course it wasn't a survey with a lot of nuance -- it was a LOT of statements, all of which you got to respond to with one (1) of the following options:

Strongly agree
Agree
Neither agree nor disagree
Disagree
Strongly disagree
Not applicable

And the statements were things like "The goals and values of the company are clearly communicated," and "I feel like I belong here," and many, many more. And all of the statements were things that were conceptually quite complex, not anything that could really be summed up by something like a blanket 'agree' or 'disagree.' (I answered a lot of 'neither agree nor disagree,' which always make me add in my head 'but some secret third thing, which is that this is a question that requires a long-form answer!')

*LOL everything was fine at work. Not even sure they noticed I wasn't there.

*I do feel a lot of sympathy for one of my coworkers, who has the unenviable role of being the person asked to "look into" every fleeting idea that pops into the heads of our bosses.

*My role is much more along the lines of saying things like 'that would take at least six weeks to get approved,' which is much longer than most of the fleeting ideas last, and also has the benefit of being true.

*I keep forgetting it's Thursday, because yesterday was my work!Monday. Gotta get ready for that Thursday morning meeting!

*haha just kidding, the Thursday morning meeting is mostly just me saying a bunch of random stuff about the projects I'm assigned

*there is no value to the Thursday morning meeting; it was created two bosses ago because that boss didn't want to boss but kept getting asked the status of my projects; so they made me do a book-report style meeting every week for everyone who asked; all I'm supposed to do is read out the status that's already shown in the project tracker

*and then the two bosses after them were just like 'idk I guess this meeting must be important let's not rock the boat'

*and I don't want to be the one to tell them that it's not, because I like to maintain the illusion

*sometimes I also update people on the drought tracker

*SPEAK TRUTHS, REVEAL NOTHING: a valid workplace strategy

One of my coworkers let us know that yesterday was 'Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day,' and I am So Proud of myself for not saying anything along the lines of 'oh, I do that every day.'

I mean, if they're clothes you wear to sleep in, they're pajamas, right? But if they're clothes you wear to work, they're work clothes. If those just HAPPEN to be the same thing sometimes, then clothes must be defined by context instead of content. Which means any clothes you're wearing to work would be, by definition, work clothes, not pajamas.

So there! Definitely don't always wear my pajamas to work. That would be ridiculous!

BUCKLE UP it's time for the quarterly 'the company that owns the company I work for is holding a meeting' meeting! (Not to be confused with the 'the company that owns the company that owns the company I work for is holding a meeting' -- that one's happening next week.)

I'm guessing that despite all the 'yay everything is great' messaging in the last meeting (December), the tone of today's meeting will be somewhat grim. BUT at least there will be enough people attending (most virtually) that I should be able to stay off-camera and on mute for the entire thing, and my face can take all the journeys it wants without anyone knowing. Gotta find those silver linings wherever we can!

Me, trying to get ready to drive to the office in 2025: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

(Prior to the 'it's a pandemic, everyone go home' days of 2020, I'd been working at the same job for 6ish years, and the same building for 3. I didn't really think much about my morning routine; it just all happened pretty automatically. Now every time I have to go in I feel like that episode of 'I Love Lucy' where she tells him they have to go to the hospital because the baby's coming, and he totally freaks out.)

(PS: Found the video clip! Lucy Goes Into Labor, S2 E16)

I give my workplace a lot of heckling, as is my right, duty, and joy as a minion-level employee. But I've also got to give them credit for doubling down on their diversity and inclusion offerings in this moment. I don't know whether they'll keep it up, but I'm willing to celebrate every bright spot.

Oh yeah, definitely got some work to do today. And some meetings. Those things are absolutely going to happen today. For sure it's going to be way more productive than ::checks notes:: yesterday.

BOOK CLUB UPDATE: NO SURPRISES HERE

The workplace book club was introduced with mild fanfare in January, with a book selection, plans for weekly posts throughout the month, and a promised (but unscheduled) discussion to be held at a later date.

I read the book. I saw one (1) post about it on the company's online sharing place [look, it used to be google+ when I started, and it's changed SO MANY times since then that I have no idea what it's called now]. I sent an email to the nominal organizer at the start of February, sort of a 'hey, will there be a meeting? was there already a meeting? no pressure, just want to show my support' type message.

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER I received a reply. So sorry for the late reply! the email said. There was no meeting! They had emailed everyone who had RSVP'd to the month-long book club calendar invite to ask if they wanted to have one, and everyone said no.

[TO CLARIFY: I had no idea we were supposed to 'RSVP' to the month-long calendar invite. What?!]

IN CONCLUSION: The 2025 workplace book club has ended EVEN EARLIER than the previous 2018 attempt. Not even one meeting! I expect in another seven years, they'll try again, but possibly no one will know about it, since if the pattern holds, it will last for even less time, and not even reach the point of picking a book.