names are hard

I try to get names right, but there are some that I get tripped up by no matter what I do. My current name nemesis is: CRAIG.

I cannot seem to say the name Craig without second-guessing myself. Is it ‘Craig’ like it rhymes with Greg? That seems wrong. Is it ‘Craig’ so you can hear the ai sound like in Rain? That seems wrong too!

This has suddenly become a more pressing issue for me, because there is now a Craig in my workplace. And he works nearby, so it’s not like I can pretend I don’t know his name, nor can I get away with just never using it. (I mean, I’m trying, believe me! But it’s not working too well. Kind of like my ability to say the name Craig.)

Right now my strategy is to just say the name very quickly. Sometimes it works to say the last name too — like I can cover up any mispronunciation of the first name by getting the last name right — but in this case the last name is ALSO a lot of vowels and I’ve NEVER heard anyone say it out loud, so I’m out of luck.

The good news is that for better or worse, hardly anyone ever listens to me anyway,* so the likelihood that anyone will 1) notice that I can’t say the name CRAIG correctly, and 2) take offense, is remarkably low.

(*Seriously — my boss asked me AGAIN yesterday about my November vacation days. We’ve talked about this many times. It’s Florida. I’m going to Florida. How many more times will they forget this? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.)

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