The Marci Rating System

Yesterday I had one of those moments at work when I was asked a question so inane and condescending that I’m sure my face took a journey (damn those years of call center work, for reducing my skill at faking facial expressions!). And I was so torn, because on the one hand, these people clearly think I’m a moron, and yet on the other hand, that does mean my clever plan to get away with working far under my potential* is actually working.

[*I clearly remember a moment in 9th grade when a teacher told me I was working too hard, so I — all trusting and naive — turned in a assignment that I did not work hard on. It was a fine assignment. Lots of other people turned in similar assignments. The teacher graded me lower than everyone else because I wasn’t working “to my potential.” It was, as they say, a learning experience.]

Mirrored from The Marci Rating System.

Dentist: “Do you clench your jaw, or grind your teeth at all?”
Me (thinking): ‘well, I used to, but then I switched to internalizing all my tension, so now it manifests as headaches, stomach pain, and a creeping sense of failure.’
Me (out loud): “Nope.”

The thing is, I have a somewhat tenuous relationship with food and eating.  Usually we get along fine!  Other times there’s some negotiating involved.  But for the most part, I’m on top of it, and it’s a comfortable detente.  

I was unexpectedly thrown for a loop by visiting the dentist.  Strangers sticking things in my mouth: not good.  Having every aspect of my mouth evaluated (and seemingly found lacking, because I’ve never met an ambiguous statement I couldn’t interpret as a personal failing): not good.  Feeling guilty about everything I eat because it’s touching my teeth: not good.

So that’s been a thing.  It’s manageable; I just wasn’t expecting it. So heads up, future self!  Stay aware for future visits.  You can do this!

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Waaaaaaay back at the end of May, I ordered some stuff online. It was a promotional offer, so it was a good deal, but the site was all ‘we’ll try to get this to you within two weeks, but it could take as long as five weeks, so unless you haven’t received anything by June 30th, don’t bother contacting us.’ (I mean, that’s paraphrased, but yeah, pretty much.)

And of course I was all ‘haha, this is the golden age of internet shopping; nothing takes five weeks!’ And then, of course, nothing happened for a while. Well, I say nothing.
They pre-authed my credit card after two weeks, and then it sat there long enough to drop off again.

Yesterday my card was pre-authed again and actually charged. This morning — TRACKING INFO. It’s on the way! I am both delighted and the tiniest bit suspicious (given that nothing about this has been easy so far) that something will go awry. WE SHALL SEE.

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Here’s a first: I had a conversation with a coworker this week about curtains. Curtains in their office, to be specific.

Me: “I like your new curtains!” [This is true. They add color and pizzazz, both of which I am in favor of.]

Coworker: “Thanks!” [Then there was a longer explanation of how the curtains came about, which I maybe didn’t listen to very carefully.]

Me: “Wow!” [Generally a safe bet as a statement.]

Coworker: “And they only cost $26!” [Not sure whether that was individually, or as a set. Probably that does not matter.]

Me: [I was somewhat in trouble at that point. I’d already used up my standard ‘wow’ response. And the curtains — for all their pizzazz — are not that exceptional. They don’t cover the whole window, for one thing. Also they are not insulated, or even lined, which both reduces their usefulness and makes them look less than great from the outside. So I couldn’t in good faith summon any real excitement over the $26 price tag, and was in fact by that point sort of regretting mentioning the curtains at all. Safe bet statement #2 to the rescue.] “Really!” [Success!]

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I mean, 6 days until the completely fine, zero stress, nothing to worry about team dinner with the CEO. Right. Doomsday just kind of slipped out, not sure how that happened.

Here’s the thing: the team I’m on at work is what we affectionately like to call minion-level. We answer phones, we do data entry, we get stuff done. But it’s not glamorous, and in the two years that I’ve been at this job, we’ve never been mentioned at a company meeting. Ever.

So it caused some consternation when we suddenly all got a notification that the whole team was going to dinner with the CEO. To talk about the future. Of the team.

Sure. Nothing to worry about.

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Starting July 1st, my state has a new hands-free driving law thing going into effect. (So many jokes about driving with your knees, so many. Really it’s about not using any devices in your car that require data entry, though.)

It’s come up at work a couple times, and there was a whole discussion about bluetooth devices and such. But when’s the last time I actually *needed* to make a call or send a text while I was driving? So I was all, ‘yeah, I don’t have that.’

EXCEPT IT WAS THE REMOTE CAR STARTER ALL OVER AGAIN! Because I got this sort of side-eye from one of my coworkers and they were all, ‘you sure about that?’

The answer being, of course: OF COURSE I’M NOT SURE, AT LEAST 85% OF EVERYTHING I SAY IS OFF THE CUFF AND AT LEAST PARTLY FICTITIOUS, THE ONLY THING I KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT MY CAR IS THAT IT IS BLUE.

Long story short, there is bluetooth on my phone, and also built into my car. Encouraging them to play nicely together may be a chore, but I am hopeful it will involve 100% less setting off the car alarm than learning to use the remote starter.

Mirrored from The Marci Rating System.

Thing you should probably never do at a work event:
ride a mechanical anything

(In this case it was a shark. I know. Actually, I don’t know. Who thinks of these things? Apparently there is a whole industry that caters to the ‘somewhat tasteless work party’ crowd, with an array of mechanical animals that can be ridden.)

But it did have this astonishingly amazing warning sign on it:

UNPLUG
THE CORD
BEFORE
YOU UNPLUG
THE BULL

I just — I almost took a picture, it was that great. All I could imagine was how many times someone had done those two steps in the wrong order before they realized they needed to attach this enormous sign to the device, complete with underlining for emphasis.

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So, my workplace is supposed to be haunted, right? And for whatever reason, the ghostly energy seems to repel people from our the kitchen/lunch room, which made me v.surprised to see our June 12 Big Important Meeting scheduled to be taking place in the lunch room.

LOL NO

I had wondered how all the people supposedly attending this meeting were going to fit in the lunch room. It turns out they weren’t — we were actually eating in the big empty storage-type room on the main floor. I guess it just sounded better to say “lunch room” than “that big space we’re mostly using to store all the crap that doesn’t fit anywhere else, but hey, we can squeeze in a bunch of folding tables and chairs, so let’s meet there!”

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Days at new job: 3

Company logo’d water bottles received: 3

*Things I Have Done So Far:

1. changed my desktop background

2. changed my email background

3. shared pictures of my cat

*Most Common Phrases Heard So Far:

1. “You’ll learn this later.”

2. “That’s a good question.”

3. “Here’s a picture of my cat.”

*Thing I Am Most Nervous About:

Monthly department team building — I’m actually good with the concept, but they are held off site at various “fun places” (laser tag, painting, etc). And I’m just super not confident at driving, so the idea of having to find all these NEW PLACES in SCARY FAR AWAY LAND is really intimidating to me.

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Work was work, today. A customer latched on to me at the register and started asking me all these questions about whether I go to church, and how I feel about Jesus, and I’m pretty sure I fumbled through without grave insult or agreeing to anything, but it was a hairy few minutes.

(I mean, I get that it’s my job to provide an exceptional customer experience, and all that, but if this guy had not been a frail elderly dude, I would have been seriously wigged out.)

Anyway, I finally thought of something to say if the situation ever calls for it again. (Driving home, of course — the daily sifting.)

Here it is, future self!

“I appreciate you reaching out, but my faith is personal and I’d prefer to keep it that way.” [REPEAT EARLY AND OFTEN, AS NEEDED]

Mirrored from The Marci Rating System.